Sunday, 27 January 2013
A Question for the Bald People in the Audience
Call it genetics, call it the shite in our environment, xenoestrogens in the plastic or whatever yous have. Call it low testosterone, or call it getting a big fucken HAW HAW Nelson Muntz in relation to life, the effervescence of youth yielding to an ugly bald twat. Baldness seems to play around with a man (the fact that the industry is worth 1 Billion or so is surely tantamount to that) and his brain, not to mention fucken Larry David seems to have built a bloody career on it hasn't he? Shiny eggy head. Hmm.
I know one wee fella who lost the hair when he was 16. Musta been rough, especially when you're the fucken epitome of dat George Costanza fiend and all the lassies won't even finger your ear for some hard earned cash. Nay gonna be the comely cunt any more, but the question is, would yous want to?
A couple of days ago, I went to get a haircut, the usual stuff, and fellas, I musta got a fucken barber with fucken Parkinsons. because about five minutes later, I'm left with a basterdized 70's afro of a thing. This dastard, this cur, apologized and asked what is it that I wanted to do, because if I was to leave the man's humble premises, I would end up in a police car on the way back to fucken Cavan, or some other mickey mouse county. On the fritz, I turn to him and say, gimme the full fucking blade zero. Bzz. Bzz. And that razor, I want it for free.
So, for the past while, Franco has been a member of the bald brotherhood.
What is it like being a member of such a highly regarded establishment? Well, it certainly left some people completely and utterly flummoxed, parents, mates etc, which was both entertaining and funny. You look like a punk! You look like a bumboy! But also, all these strange things have happened to me in the time that has passed. People definitely look at you different when you're a full baldie. For example, people seem to be quite intimidated by me. Men have been nodding to me in the street, stepping out of my way more and keeping less eye contact, maybe it's cause the old maw has been really accentuated by the lack of hair on top, I dunno, but it be a really cool feeling awright. Lassies, yous know yourself lads, how they are with the whole fake, breathless, "omg like you totally didn't do that to yourself, why would you make yourself ugly Francis???" but saying this...playfully roysh. I've been told I look like as serial killer, and fucking Ming the Merciless. Jaesus. What's also weird is that with hair, I was able to get away with being a little bit of an asshole play, now lassies are more offended by it, people seem to take me more seriously, and I have toos play myself WAY FUCKEN down, be a little bit nicer, so too speak. Again, I don't know if I look more dominant, or it's because I look about ten years older now, and people in their twenties aren't taken seriously by Boomer twats, or just people in general, and again, I appreciate that this post is fairly unrecked, and when a man ages, it sucks arse, but any thoughts would be welcome. My question to people who are bald in general...
Is it really that bad? I'm seriously considering shaving my head blade 0 for the rest of my life, and I can grow a fucken mean rockstar long hair Robbo Plant set if ah wanna. Now, admittedly, I look and sound a lot more like this guy in real life:
than this guy:
so it not be like bald is good en aw univocally.
There's also the practical, you save a shitload of cash thing of course if you just buy a razor and do that, say once or twice a week. Not to mention if we look at the options a bit more, they dinnae look too hot. Propecia? Causes the old dick to fall off apparently. Rogaine? Lol. Toupee? Seriously, you fucking kidding? You'll look like this:
That is either snatch hair, or a bit of carpet Davie boy found in his home and then glued to his head.
Hair transplant? Works brilliantly from what I've seen, and the only reasonable enough option, but a simple question will put this in the bud.
You have the money? If it is fucking up your confidence/inner game, then yeah, all the power to you bro. Just that, well...there's a lot of Jameson's whiskey you can buy with that kind of dosh.
So yeah, if you can rocket it, then go for it. Just don't be fat. Bald and small guys, take a look at dannyfrom504. He's 40 and he's doing better than most of you and me right now. Or people in your own social circle. Bald and small is ok. Just not fat. Jesus, you don't want the Homer Simpson look going on.
Give it a shot, give it a trial, is my recommendation tos you. Hey, you or I might be a baldie someday not by choice, so yous might have to rocket this kind of thing in the future anyways. Until then:
Bald brothers! Unite!