Tuesday, 1 January 2013
Weight Gain and Lifting Really Heavy Shit: Francis Begbie Style!
Ever since I've been a wee bairn, I've always admired the strength and the power of men like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. These guys were heroes to me, legends, even though Kindergarden Cop is literally the most horrible flick that ain't a Jim Sheridan IS DADDY coming home one. But I was weak, stupid. Girls didn't like that, apparently, I was told ad nauseum. Weightlifting is prole, the fat bastard once said! You know those cunts? Them fellas be on the hormones and they have little cocks like Terrys Chocolate Oranges! Don't weightlift cause no one likes eh balloon man!
Well, enough is enough.
I've been lifting weights on and off for a little bit over a year now and although I've done okish, I want to do better,much better. Basically I'm around the Brad Pitt Fight Club level: lean as shit but still really fucking skinny, bordering on underweight even. I'm not particularly strong: my dead-lift is just shy of 180 pounds. Must, definitely work harder, smarter, and outright funkier.
So, I propose a new workout plan. It is not a particularly original and it ain't going to be revolutionizing the fitness world, but it is grounded in the thoughts and ideas of three very strong, very reliable people. And but so, here is how shits going to play out.
Diet: This is a direct rip off of Jamie Lewis's Chaos and Pain (link is NSFW) Apex Predator Diet and Danger and Play style juicing. Incredible blog btw, thay Jamie Lewis one. Well written, funny, well researched with great advice. The pre 2009 Roissy weightlifting equivalent if you want an apt comparison. I'll link to the diet, and I'm going to make a few minor alterations, but the main concepts will be adhered to rigorously.
First: I like cheese. The smellier that shit is, the more the eyes will be popping out of the old skull. Must have been a cheese eating stinking le surrender pussy in a previous life. Being Irish I also have the gut for it, wee Franco be free of the aul lactose shitteridoos dontcha know fuckos! Plus, cheese is packed full of protein (26 grams per 100gs!) and fat, and no carbohydrates, so you can achive ketosis on it no bother. It's going in the diet basically, despite not being in Lewis's routine and despite not being paleo or whatever. I'll write a quite summary of ketogenic diets later on, but now, you just have to trust me.
Second, protein shakes are expensive, and vegetables, green ones in particular are very good for you and just shit hot in general. So, where Lewis has five protein shakes, I'll have two shakes and maybe two Danger and Play recipe juices, but without stuff with a lot of carbohydrates in it. Sayonara to monkeybells!
Sides that, it's exactly the same. Three hour rampage. Two meals, one big and small with a lot of meat there. Oh and Lewis doesn't say much about eggs and nuts. I'll throw them in as well. 600-800 calories for the small meal and 2000-4000 for the big meal fucker.
Workout regime: I'm directly stealing Fresh Fly and Young's one. Again, like Lewis, it won't be exactly like this, but the logic is the same. You'll find it below:
Bent over barbell rows 8,5,5,3
Dumbbell rows 8,5,3
Pull downs or pull ups 8,5,3 if doing pull ups 3 sets till failure
Dead Lifts 8,5,5
Incline bench press 8,5,5,3 following week switch to dumbbells
Dumbbell bench press 8,5,5,3 next week regular bench
Cable crosses 8,5,5
Bent over stiff leg for hamstrings 8,5,3
Leg extension 12,8,6
Leg curls 12,8,6
Calf raises 12,12,12
Weighted box jumps 8,8,8 (with 55lbs barbell on shoulders)
One leg press 8,8,8 or lunges with dumbbell
Standing barbell press 8,5,5,3 next week seated dumbbell
Seated dumbbell side raises 8,8,8 next week standing with cables
Bent over rear dumbbell raises 8,8,8
Barbell front raises 8,8,8
Tricep pull downs on lat cable machine alternating elbows out away from your body and elbows close to. 12,10,8
Rope pull downs 10,10,10
Barbell bicep curls 5,5,5,5
Alternating dumbbell curls 10,8
Rope curls two sets till failure
I supplement with Vitamin D, Fish Oil and Liver Tabs. It's amazing how affordable this stuff is when you do something like give up video games.
So, that's the plan. I start tomorrow. Currently I weigh 160 pounds. On Feb 1st I'll give yous and update how I'd be doing. Otherwise, well good luck to yous and we'll see what happens. Any advice would of course, be welcome.
Lift a lot. Eat a lot. Shit isn't rocket science.